Last post for this blog....

My second and last attempt at IVF failed last Monday.  We had three embryos left and when they defrosted them two disintigrated and the one left was ok...not great but ok.  After two weeks of waiting, not smoking, not taking any meds, trying to stay calm....my pregnancy test turned out negative.  So stop taking all the hormones and let the river flow.....it took longer this time.  Last time it was two days later and AF was here.  This time it was a whole 5 days.  I was starting to wonder what was going on. 

So, though I am greatful that I have a wonderful son I am still naturally disappointed that I will not have another child.  I know God is great and He can change his mind at any time.  But realistically....I will be 40 in January.  My son is turning 8 in June. 

Thanks for following this blog and for your support. 

Shots...again....

My appointment this morning went in a direction I totally didn't expect.  Have to give myself a down regulator shot again.  That means here we go into menpause again.  My doc said it is useless to try the transplant (embryoes) whilst I have endo.  She said the studies show it is better to try to get rid of it or decrease it and then transfer.  So...that means more months of waiting then I thought.  The original plan (after the laproscopy in Jan) was to take the pill for two months and then do the transplant before any endo could grow.  But of course, my body being itself just had to grow some anyway!!!!!

In a way it is good because I am considering making umrah in mid April.  If my SIL is still here and will watch my son then God willing I am off to Mekkah! 

The doc said to give myself the shot today and stop taking the pill.  Hopefully I can drop some of this weight I have gained.  6 kilos! since the surery in December!!!!  If I was preggo that would be one thing...but I am not!!!

Will keep you updated...thanks for reading...

I think I am done

Seriously....having to take naproxyn everyday twice a day...plus DH is total asshole blaming me for our son having ADD.  How the hell is that my fault?! And we were thinking about having a second child?  Why should I bring another child into the world when I screwed up the first one?!  Never mind the fact that my endo is killing me and I possible have an ulcer....now this?!

ARGH!!!!  I am sooo mad!!!!!  Anyhoo....have my RE appointment on Monday so will post afterwards and let you know how that went.

Here we go again....and again...

Exactly one month after my emergency surgery to have more endo and cysts removed....here comes the exact same pain again.  Off to the hospital, though this time the pain is not near as severe.  Examed, doc says cysts....not just one or two....several on both ovaries.  WTH!  I can stay in the hopsital where they can give me pain meds and do an ultra sound in the morning again or go home and take pain meds and go to my own GYN in the morning.  I opt for the second.  I mean if they are just gonna do the same thing I can do at home I'd rather sleep in my own bed where I can actually get some sleep. 

Went to GYN this morning and said look...I'm really tired of this pain. What are my options?  He said basically to suck it up for another month, hopefully I'll get pregnant when we try IVF again and then I'll have 9 months of relief from the endo and cysts.  Ok....what happens when I DO or don't get pregnant...have the child or don't cause it didn't work out....and the endo and cysts are back?  Then what?  He tells me that the uterus and ovaries are not longer taken out like in the time of my mother.  This would cause the body to go into menopause over night and would wreak havvoc on the body.  Instead, a hormone therapy is used to gradually bring the body into menopause. 

It is pretty simple...ovaries make the hormone estrogen...estrogen feeds the endo.  No estrogen (hence relief during pregnancy) no endo.  Except of course for what is left in my body at that time.  So.....that is where I am at now.

Oh!  And by the by....have been having a lot of trouble with my stomach.  I have had reflux for the last 5 years but now it has gotten almost unbearable so I am on my reflux meds twice a day now and chewing on tums during the day.  Going for a scope in a couple of weeks to see if I have a bacteria in my stomach (helicobacter) and/or an ulcer.  Also, internist says it is possible that I have endo cells on the outside of my stomach.  Great!  Just where I need them!  Oh and the emergency doc last night was telling us that these endo cells can go anywhere in the body.  Even in the lungs!  So when you get your period or are about to and your body is producing estrogen like crazy...guess what?  Wherever that endo is...it reacts to the estrogen and enlarges.  Thus, pain wherever it is. 

Ya just gotta love it!  Well, I look at it this way....there are worse illnesses in my family that could have been passed down to me.  Both grandmothers had diabetes.  Maternal grandmother had glacoma.  Maternal grandfather died of bone cancer.  Paternal grandfather had dementia. 

More later.  Have an appointment with my RE on Tuesday.  Will check back in then.  Have a good one!

Another suergery...

So, two weeks ago I had a surge of attacks (for lack of a better word) and ended up having to have emergency surgery.  Turns out I had a ton of endometriosis and a few cysts again.  Was in the hospital 4 days.  Went to see my RE when I got out and she put me on a mini-pill for two months so that the ovaries would not produce any estrogen and therefore I wouldn't have a period.  Wouldn't ya know though, after a week on the pill I am bleeding like a stuck pig?! 

After two months on this pill, we will look and see if the endo is not back then we will try the IVF again and see if it takes this time.  If not, then I am done.  With DS' issues I can't mentally take it anymore.  I'm not even sure if I want to go through with this next IVF or not.  Allah, please grant me sabir! and guidance!