I woke up feeling ok this morning but it didn't last long. My son woke up way too early for my tastes this morning. I was looking forward to a nice warm shower and being to get pretty much ready before he even woke up. Nope! Hubby didn't seem to want to get out of bed. If I don't call him till he gets up he won't get up.
It didn't take long for me to feel like I needed to kill someone. Hormones? Ya think?! I feel like crap. I don't want to be home. I have to take my MIL to the airport at lunch time and am in noooo mode. I just want to go crawl in bed and be left alone. That or sit in a cafe and drink coffee and smoke all day long.
I seriously feel like I need to wear a sign that says 'speak to me at your own risk!' I might consider actually wearing one but it's too long in German...LOL!
I still have pain in my lower ab. Not feeling at all like this cyst has gotten smaller. We'll see. I have my next appointment on Wednesday.
Gonna go drink another cup of joe and see if I feel better........
Friday, September 24, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Nothing new....
Just like the title says....nothing new to report. Still on my period. Still have pain in my lower ab. Feel like this cyst is gonna explode or pop out of me like the alien did out of Sigourney Weaver.
On a bright note...I finally got my apartment painted the way I wanted. Nice that hubby is out of the country. he he!
Two more weeks til my appointment. Am not feeling very positive. I just can't help this feeling that it's just not meant to be. I know I should try to be positive, however I have had this feeling since before we even started IVF. The day one of my neighbors came home from the hospital, I picked her up, I knew that day. As I was watching her get the baby dressed to leave the hospital, I had this thought...well I'll never have another child but I will always have her baby to love and play with.
I know, I know...only God knows. But I have learned through the years that He has a way of telling me how things will turn out. I just have to listen. I am often dissappointed with the way things turn out and often have this feeling of...if only I'd listened to that inner voice.
Have a good weekend!
On a bright note...I finally got my apartment painted the way I wanted. Nice that hubby is out of the country. he he!
Two more weeks til my appointment. Am not feeling very positive. I just can't help this feeling that it's just not meant to be. I know I should try to be positive, however I have had this feeling since before we even started IVF. The day one of my neighbors came home from the hospital, I picked her up, I knew that day. As I was watching her get the baby dressed to leave the hospital, I had this thought...well I'll never have another child but I will always have her baby to love and play with.
I know, I know...only God knows. But I have learned through the years that He has a way of telling me how things will turn out. I just have to listen. I am often dissappointed with the way things turn out and often have this feeling of...if only I'd listened to that inner voice.
Have a good weekend!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Finally!
I got my period finally today. It is a relief as the nausea has passed. I still have a lot of pain in my lower ab though. Today after my period started it felt like the cyst was going to explode.
Who knows what is going on.....I know meds take time to work and I am trying to be patient.
As far as other side effects, I do have night sweats. And I mean sweat! I wake up in the middle of the night, my forehead drenched and the back of my neck too. I have to actually keep tissue by my side of the bed so I can wipe my forehead. I can tell now...menopause is gonna be some fun!
Other than that no other side effects I have noticed.
Trying to cut down on the cigs. So far am doing pretty good. As long as no one else is around smoking then I don't even really crave them.
More later.....
Who knows what is going on.....I know meds take time to work and I am trying to be patient.
As far as other side effects, I do have night sweats. And I mean sweat! I wake up in the middle of the night, my forehead drenched and the back of my neck too. I have to actually keep tissue by my side of the bed so I can wipe my forehead. I can tell now...menopause is gonna be some fun!
Other than that no other side effects I have noticed.
Trying to cut down on the cigs. So far am doing pretty good. As long as no one else is around smoking then I don't even really crave them.
More later.....
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Side effects
Suck! Need I say more? Being nauseous and almost puking your guts out is no fun. But the worst part is the almost puking. If I could actually puke and get it over with I would be much better. But, no! I have to be nauseous and just pretend to throw up. WTH?
For a second it did cross my mind....hey! Maybe I'm pregnant. But then I brought myself back to reality and realized that seeing as how we haven't had sex for almost two months now and I've had a period since the last time...most likely it's just the side effect of this shot I gave myself last week. Read the package and sure enough....one of the most common side effects?! Survey says....nausea!
For a second it did cross my mind....hey! Maybe I'm pregnant. But then I brought myself back to reality and realized that seeing as how we haven't had sex for almost two months now and I've had a period since the last time...most likely it's just the side effect of this shot I gave myself last week. Read the package and sure enough....one of the most common side effects?! Survey says....nausea!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Baby born on Gulf Air flight
I couldn't help but feel my heart sink as I read about this. A woman gives birth to a child and leaves it in the trash can to be found by the clean-up crew. Thankfully the child is alive and healthy. A baby boy, 6 pounds 6 ounces. So many of us trying to have children and women having them and either killing them or throwing them away.
Understandably she may have been in dire straits. Only Allah knows her situation and pray that she is granted forgiveness and is guided to the right path.
I have often wondered if I should consider adopting. I have never spoken to my husband about this.
Three of my neighbors have had babies this year. They are 6 months and 1 month. One boy and two girls. Two of the neighbors have 4 and 5 children and the third neighbor has two children. (with the new additions now) The third neighbor has a son the same age as mine. In fact, their names are even the same. She also had a hard time conceiving her second child. We have been trying for the same amount of time. She lost a baby before this one was born. She is much younger than I am and has no endometriosis or cyst problems. Her problem was just that the child wouldn't hold. But, now she has a beautiful baby girl and her 7 year old boy.
Funny thing about the other two neighbors, they weren't even trying for their 4th and 5th child. It was an accident. Funny how accidents happen. Wish one like that would happen to me...LOL!
So, now 5 days since I gave myself the shot and still no period. Though the symptoms are killing me. If it doesn't come that is fine but I wish the symptoms would go away. I feel like someone is trying to rip my lower back out.
Feeling better today as far as irritation, etc. goes. Also, hubby flies out of the country today. A week of peace. LOL!
I have noticed my hands are swollen for the past two days. I feel like they are stiff. I can still type and move them with no problems. Just a weird feeling.
On a sweet note...I am watching one of my neighbor's two kids this morning. Her 7 year old who will start the 1st grade on Monday and her almost 6 month old. The baby is a very sweet, beautiful, stubborn little girl. She was still tired and man was she cranky! I forgot babies can make so much noise. LOL! But now she is sounding sleeping and her brother is content watching cartoons.
Till manana!
Understandably she may have been in dire straits. Only Allah knows her situation and pray that she is granted forgiveness and is guided to the right path.
I have often wondered if I should consider adopting. I have never spoken to my husband about this.
Three of my neighbors have had babies this year. They are 6 months and 1 month. One boy and two girls. Two of the neighbors have 4 and 5 children and the third neighbor has two children. (with the new additions now) The third neighbor has a son the same age as mine. In fact, their names are even the same. She also had a hard time conceiving her second child. We have been trying for the same amount of time. She lost a baby before this one was born. She is much younger than I am and has no endometriosis or cyst problems. Her problem was just that the child wouldn't hold. But, now she has a beautiful baby girl and her 7 year old boy.
Funny thing about the other two neighbors, they weren't even trying for their 4th and 5th child. It was an accident. Funny how accidents happen. Wish one like that would happen to me...LOL!
So, now 5 days since I gave myself the shot and still no period. Though the symptoms are killing me. If it doesn't come that is fine but I wish the symptoms would go away. I feel like someone is trying to rip my lower back out.
Feeling better today as far as irritation, etc. goes. Also, hubby flies out of the country today. A week of peace. LOL!
I have noticed my hands are swollen for the past two days. I feel like they are stiff. I can still type and move them with no problems. Just a weird feeling.
On a sweet note...I am watching one of my neighbor's two kids this morning. Her 7 year old who will start the 1st grade on Monday and her almost 6 month old. The baby is a very sweet, beautiful, stubborn little girl. She was still tired and man was she cranky! I forgot babies can make so much noise. LOL! But now she is sounding sleeping and her brother is content watching cartoons.
Till manana!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Day 2 after the shot...
I woke up this morning swollen like a balloon. I could hardly take off my wedding ring that I had slept with. My eyes looked like I'd been in a fight. Around noon time the swelling finally went down. I was really irritated yesterday and some today. It does not help either that I was scheduled to get my period two days ago. So, now I'm wondering if it is even going to come or am I just having the symptoms of it coming for nothing. (I get really nauseous and actually puke around 3 days or so before it shows up)
I had a lot of pain to in my lower ab last night. I mean like it bothered me to the point where I had trouble going to sleep. And I have a pretty high pain tolerance.
Today I was really cold too even though it was in the 70's. Other than that, nothing else to report. Will see how the next couple of weeks go.
I had a lot of pain to in my lower ab last night. I mean like it bothered me to the point where I had trouble going to sleep. And I have a pretty high pain tolerance.
Today I was really cold too even though it was in the 70's. Other than that, nothing else to report. Will see how the next couple of weeks go.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Day one...the first shot
Today I gave myself the first shot in a series of many to come. I did it myself at home. (at my neighbors acutally...LOL!) This first shot is a down regulator. It is meant to basically swing me into menopause. Stop the hormones from flowing and hopefully decrease the size of this latest cyst.
I guess I should fill you all in a bit. I will be 39 in January and have a son that is 7 years old now. I have been trying to concieve a second child for almost 4 years now. Come to find out that I have a serious case of endometriosis and I seemed to have concieved my son by the miracle of God's will. (my OB/GYN even said so at the time). I was a soldier in the army at the time and destined for Iraq as it was kicking off and then all of a sudden I was pregnant. So, I do see it as Allah's will that I concieved a child. Moving on....I have a laproscopy in May of this year to remove the endo and a cyst. Right after the surgery (and I mean the same day) my reproductive specialist (known from now on as RE) who also did the surgery, told me that there was practically no way I could concieve naturally. That IVF was my only way.
So that brings ya up to date. I was scheduled to see my RE this week and started having some serious pain last week along with fever. Went to my regular OB/GYN and he said I had a cyst that was 4 cm. Wrote me a script for anti-biotics and said I needed to be looked at again in 10 days. Then my appointment with my RE. I told her about it and she looked at the cyst via ultra sound (U/S). In a week, it had grown to 6 cm. We were planning on starting right away with the hormone shots to be able to harvest an egg or two, but now with this cyst she said there was no way. Yes, the tears welled up in my eyes. She rubbed my leg and said...stay positive..I know this endo is a terrible thing. We will do it together. Ok, so ya, it made me feel a little better, but not quite...you know what I mean? (kwim)
My husband was with me and I did not want to talk about it after we left the clinic. I still don't. I'm just trying not to think about it and to stay positive. After all...everything is in Allah's hands. If He wants that I have a second child, then it will happen....eventually.
So far, the site that I gave myself the shot is sore feeling. Right after I gave myself the shot, it burned. But a weird burn. It is hard to describe. It wasn't like a hot burning. It was similar to the burning of a hep B &C shot if you ever had one. (and if you were in the military, you had one...)
Ok, that's it for today. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Thanks for reading. I appreciate your comments of support. If you have negative comments, save them for someone else. I have enough negativity in my own manic/depressive mind.
I guess I should fill you all in a bit. I will be 39 in January and have a son that is 7 years old now. I have been trying to concieve a second child for almost 4 years now. Come to find out that I have a serious case of endometriosis and I seemed to have concieved my son by the miracle of God's will. (my OB/GYN even said so at the time). I was a soldier in the army at the time and destined for Iraq as it was kicking off and then all of a sudden I was pregnant. So, I do see it as Allah's will that I concieved a child. Moving on....I have a laproscopy in May of this year to remove the endo and a cyst. Right after the surgery (and I mean the same day) my reproductive specialist (known from now on as RE) who also did the surgery, told me that there was practically no way I could concieve naturally. That IVF was my only way.
So that brings ya up to date. I was scheduled to see my RE this week and started having some serious pain last week along with fever. Went to my regular OB/GYN and he said I had a cyst that was 4 cm. Wrote me a script for anti-biotics and said I needed to be looked at again in 10 days. Then my appointment with my RE. I told her about it and she looked at the cyst via ultra sound (U/S). In a week, it had grown to 6 cm. We were planning on starting right away with the hormone shots to be able to harvest an egg or two, but now with this cyst she said there was no way. Yes, the tears welled up in my eyes. She rubbed my leg and said...stay positive..I know this endo is a terrible thing. We will do it together. Ok, so ya, it made me feel a little better, but not quite...you know what I mean? (kwim)
My husband was with me and I did not want to talk about it after we left the clinic. I still don't. I'm just trying not to think about it and to stay positive. After all...everything is in Allah's hands. If He wants that I have a second child, then it will happen....eventually.
So far, the site that I gave myself the shot is sore feeling. Right after I gave myself the shot, it burned. But a weird burn. It is hard to describe. It wasn't like a hot burning. It was similar to the burning of a hep B &C shot if you ever had one. (and if you were in the military, you had one...)
Ok, that's it for today. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Thanks for reading. I appreciate your comments of support. If you have negative comments, save them for someone else. I have enough negativity in my own manic/depressive mind.
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